Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize