dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
