I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
