i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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