walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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