Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize