I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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