the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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