can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
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