Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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