singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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