Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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