Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
