Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
