I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
