Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
