Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
