i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
