Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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