People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
