i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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