...so i touched it.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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