Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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