Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I am one with the molecules
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
