moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
