first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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