Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
