I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
