I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
