so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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