I just threw up on my dentist
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
