I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
