Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize