I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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