my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
