dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
