well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
