We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize