I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
