yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
