The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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