if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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