I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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