I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
