I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
