I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize