cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
im holly from the hills drunk
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
