Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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