He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Be still, my beating vagina.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
His nipple licking is glorious
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