Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
