I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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