i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
