Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
