He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
