i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
