An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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