I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize