How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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