I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
