so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
