No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
there is puke in my bra ... again
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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