Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
