I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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