I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
