remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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