I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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