This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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