My room smells like vodka and shame
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
