it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize