1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
