I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
