bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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