Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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