I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
