So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
