So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
