How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
