You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize