i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Such a big mess for such a small penis
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
we should paint friendship bongs
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
