I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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