Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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