i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
