I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
