so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Every concussion has its silver lining
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
