When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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