K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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