Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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