I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I can text with my tongue
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
