i was born a porn star she said
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
