once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
