I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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