I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
