I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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