careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
