u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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