too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
