I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
