help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
