I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
