I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
