she woke up with a sticky ear
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
