I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
