Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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