I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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