So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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