they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I need moral support for this bender
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
