i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize