He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize