I have demons in me.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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